Tuesday, 6 January 2009

A Friend's Confession

I frequently remember a surprising conversation I had on messenger with a friend a couple of years ago. I would not dream of revealing his identity, however, I will try to outline his ideas and endeavors in brief, since, at the time, I thought that was the most surprising confession I'd ever heard from a man.
I had known him for a few years and knew his girlfriend very well (high-school sweethearts they were, although both in their late 20’s by the time I met them). They had always seemed - to me and to our mutual friends - like the most loving couple, very caring towards each-other, supportive and, most of all, it seemed they had managed to maintain the spark in their relationship for almost 15 years, by naturally balancing the many interests they shared and the interests they were free to pursue individually along the years. They were still making each-other laugh every day, still had new issues to discuss without faking interest, still took each-other along to concerts and events. They were, in fact, the best of friends, and as a bonus, they had an in-depth knowledge of each-other and took comfort in their intimacy. And what they were beyond all, was intellectuals, constantly reading and bettering themselves with knowledge on the most varied subjects, from biology to philosophy, from religion to art. It wasn’t seldom that I asked one of them for the definition of a word they had used quite casually in conversation. I was therefore almost speechless when the guy told me that his whole philosophy of life was actually based and centred upon sex. Nothing more, nothing less.
I cannot possibly remember how the conversation had started and what made us move it into the realm of sex, but I am pretty sure it started out as a harmless exchange of lines on a very boring day in the office. I am a very straight-forward person myself (painfully so, I’ve been told), so I wouldn’t be surprised if I had actually somehow caused the confession by asking too many direct questions. Sex is by no means a taboo subject with me, nor was it with him or his girlfriend, so we had frequently shared experiences and opinions on this matter before. However, I am sure I wasn’t quite prepared for the statement that followed.
The Confession:
In brief, my friend told me that he is obsessed with sex and that everything he had ever done in this life was in pursuit of sex. He had always been the best student in his class, because he knew that would attract the attention of the girls around him, increasing his chances of getting laid with as many as possible. He worked out and kept very fit (indeed!) not because he had ever been concerned with his health, but in order to sculpt himself into a desirable man and again, to attract as many women who would then sleep with him. He always excelled in his job, again, to make himself more visible and bed his colleagues and to be promoted and earn enough money to impress and woe a particular woman, if needed. He constantly read and kept himself up to date with the news from all fields (politics, medicine, biology, archeology, paleontology, entertainment, you name it…) so that he would be able to sustain an interesting conversation with any woman, no matter what her interests in life, therefore increasing his chances of seducing her. He even read the dictionary and retained all sorts of barely used words, all aimed at impressing women and adding to his portfolio.
I never found out how many women he had had or how many more he was planning to have. In fact, I never found out more than he told me then, because at the time I must have been too surprised to regain my presence of mind and to continue to ask questions. I also remember he scared himself a bit with what he had told me, not in the least because I knew his girlfriend and, since they’d been together for 15 years and all he ever had on his mind was sex with as many women as possible, it obviously meant he had been cheating on her repeatedly during all this time. Of course I never told her, because I saw no point in hurting either of them and after all, it was their relationship, their conscious, their life. Not my place to meddle at all.
However, I do wonder about my friend’s confession from time to time. I do not doubt it for a second. I never have. In fact, what I am wondering is how many men think the same way but will go to any length to deny it?
It has become a stereotype to claim that sex is a powerful tool in society (sex sells products if hinted at in advertising, sex can be used successfully to obtain advantages, like a promotion at work, sex can be used to blackmail, etc.). But how many of us actually see sex as a target in itself, as the engine which drives to better ourselves?
The friend I am talking about is indeed a fine young man, with everything going for him, very successful professionally and socially, educated well above average, good looking, well-off. And however surprising it was to find out that all his achievements were sex-driven, this new piece of information cannot change the facts about him. The truth is, his obsession with sex has made him a better person, hasn’t it? And (at least that once) he had the courage to admit it to himself and to me. How many of us have the guts to admit (even to ourselves) our secret desires and what actually drives us in life?

1 comment:

  1. actually no, because the purpose was meaningless sex (the sheer quantity makes it meaningless). And no matter what we achieve is the purpose that defines our actions, therefore, concerning the better person, the answer is that he achieved nada, zip, zero, canci. His success, no matter how glamorous it was, remained connected with the final end. and that's no philosophy or rocket science, it's just common sense.