The Clairvoyant Taxi Driver

I happened to have an unexpected day off from work last week, and tried hard to tick off some of the priorities on my personal ‘to do’ list. As a result, I spent nearly half the day in taxis, getting from one to the next of my various urgent activities (which included a long overdue visit to my beautician, an appointment with my GP and the final official darts match of the season, in that order!).

Now, because I generally use taxis quite often, and because the last taxi I jumped in after leaving my GP’s practice was the umpteenth I had been in that day, I thought I might be excused if I didn’t pay any attention at all to the taxi driver, nor feel like chatting about the awful traffic in Bucharest. How very foolish of me! This particular taxi driver wouldn’t even start the engine until I looked her in the eye, but kept staring in the rearview mirror at me, like I had landed in her backseat with more of a bang than Milla Jovovich in Bruce Willis’s taxi in The 5th Element. In the end, I abandoned the search for my keys in my bag, and stared back, raising my eyebrows.

‘You don’t recognize me, do you Doll?!’ she croaked at my image in the mirror.

I raised my eyebrows even further, took a better look at the large body spilling from the driver’s seat, took in the full details of her screamingly loud makeup, screamingly red hair, bulging eyes and puffed up eyes and nose, and informed her I was quite certain we had not met before, or I would have not forgotten her that easily. However, I was glad to notice that she appeared to be a woman, because she would certainly understand that before driving me to the pub for the darts, she had to stop at my house so I could change my shoes and bag (which were brown and really didn’t match my black belt!).

‘Of course we haven’t met, Doll! I meant from TV!!’

I wasn’t in the least puzzled by her appearance on TV, nor was I interested to have yet another pointless conversation with a bored taxi driver, so made no attempt to find out what exactly she was famous for. I was wrong again to presume I would get off that easily. Whether I wanted to or not, I listened to how she had her own show at some obscure TV channel, because she was ‘a sort of clairvoyant', Doll!’. I was already rolling my eyes, preparing to fake some polite, mild interest in her ramblings, when she pinned me with another of her looks in the mirror and asked why I wasn’t married yet. That made me narrow my eyes at her image in the mirror a little bit, and asked why she was presuming that I wasn’t, while brushing some imaginary hairs from my yes, trying to make her notice the ring on my finger (which I almost always wear, to use against unwanted courting knights).

‘You’re not fooling anyone with that ring, Doll! You’re not married.’ (I was half-interested at this point) ‘You are kicking yourself because you let the first two potential husbands go, because you’re not going to find a third to love and worship you like either of those two.’ (I was close to mortified at this point) ‘Listen to me, Doll! This guy you’re going to see tonight… Just don’t play with him. He really cares about you. He may have a complicated situation with his ex-wife and a young child from that marriage, but you don’t often come across guys like him these days. He’s got character, Doll!’ (I think I had passed mortification stage and was now turning blue from holding my breath) ‘If you play your cards right, you’ll marry him next year and have a little boy right away. Your second kid will be a girl, soon after the boy.’

I think that was where she lost me. My brain recovered from the shock and pumped some skepticism into the whole situation. Too much science-fiction. Besides, I have never sought fortune-telling experiences (clairvoyants, tarot, star sign charts, etc.) for 2 main reasons: I very much doubt the divine source of these pieces of information about the future even if they were accurate (as in I don’t believe ‘white magic’ is actually white.. if you get the drift) and also, what surprises would life have to offer if I knew my future in advance? 

There is also the very delicate issue of my refusal to be manipulated by the seeds planted in my head by some random claim from anyone, let alone a clairvoyant taxi driver! I really am afraid that although future is yet a book to be written, my subconscious will be influenced and I will tend to head in the direction pointed by one of these ‘well-intended’ people. After all, the road to hell surely is paved with good intentions.

So, mum, if you do eventually learn how to use a computer and actually come across my blog, don’t get excited and don’t dry-clean (yet again!!!) the suit you’re saving to wear at my wedding (which, by the way, mum dear, has gone out of fashion a few years ago!), because no taxi driver will tell me when I am getting married and having kids, be it a clairvoyant taxi driver, with her own show on TV!!